This week's SPAM review

Ludek Dimovski writes me today, advising that Paris Hilton seeks Australian Residence. Unfortunately Gmail thinks that Ludek is not who he claims to be, so I probably should go tell dear Paris she needs a new character witness for her visa application. Salmon Blount joins our conversation and insists "Aliens Deny Impregnating Paris Hilton"; thank you Salmon, I too have high hopes there is intelligent life out there.

On to Swiss Watches. After reading several tempting offers from replikkk and miracuole.com, I can't make up my mind which quality product to choose. A quick check on Google reveals there is help. The good folks at replicawatchesreviews.com and fakereviews.com host detailed reviews for everything from cheap italian to $739 swiss forgeries. Comforting to know, the internet is there to help unwitting consumers navigating the minefields of e-commerce yet again.

Marisela Dacia has free Viagra for me. Maybe it will help me getting worth any girl's attention as Rachelle Dahl seems to think. Rachelle has the better business offer though: permanent enlargement of my vital parts, just using a different type of pill. Ahh, so many choices.

Alva Alba suggests I call her and leave my name, number and country on her voicemail so she can get my "PhDD" ready asap. Sorry Alva, I'm a little busy this week, maybe next time. I hear these things are long and complicated, and I thought I'll give you a head start - better get cracking. Also what happened to your sister Jessica? She wrote me all these emails but never replied to a single of mine?

Finally my good friend Brandyn Tabot is checking in to tell me that Paris is almost bankrupt...you don't say Brandyn, maybe I should contact border security about her after all.